Kayla

When you get wrapped up in your own life and lag behind on blogging you can come across something and it can floor you. Today I read that one of the most beautiful human beings to ever exist passed away. She was only 17 years old and although I never met her, I considered the beautiful Kayla one of my personal heroes.

Please go to her aunt's blog to send your condolences and then light a candle for this wonderful young lady. I cried in my mama's arms over this darling today. My heart and sympathy go out to her family and while I know it isn't fair, I pray they find peace in the knowledge that she is no longer in pain and is looking down at her family and friends all over the globe.

We miss you, Kayla.

I can't believe how lapse I have been in posting. I haven't been to visit ANYONE in over a month and I am SO SORRY.

My aunt's service was yesterday. It was full of humor and my mama got "buzzed" a lot with kidding from the preacher (who's married to my cousin) and several other family members. We were full of love and memories and sharing and now I sit at my mother's back in north central Texas about to fix a LOT of spaghetti because we have family coming in.

We planned a family reunion. My mama has one sister left but there are those of my generation and our children and grandchildren who want and need to know each other. So we're planning one for this summer.

My guy and I were discussing funerals and death...sort of what you do at a time like this, right? With my Lupus attacking my kidneys I have firmly decided I do NOT want a funeral. He said he expects me to be at his. I said no, I should go first or we go together. He said no. So I guess I am suppose to visit him and he said yes, he'd be the one playing poker with all his buddies there and we could play strip poker. I said no, I'm not playing strip poker in front of your buddies so there.

He made me laugh. He held me when I heard the news and he's been wonderful, insisting I keep in touch with him and let him know I am okay when it's my mama I have been worried about.

Jeremy and I took Trevor and drove to east Texas for the service. Now, my younger son is 19 about to be 2o in September. He has many strengths and has been a rock to me since the doctors first thought I had cancer last month and then found out for sure it was Lupus.

But our little road trip? He was so cool. My son isn't into rap...he's into classic rock. He knows more about The Police and Supertramp and the Beatles....Pink Floyd...the Eagles and so many others...more than I do. We discussed many songs and their meanings. I was quite impressed with his knowledge. Then a newer song came on that I hadn't heard called Jeremy. I thought it would be cool but it was a sad song based on a true story about a kid committing suicide in front of his class. My Jeremy told me all about it.

Then we talked about conspiracies and he told me his theory on several infamous ones. He also told me about a video that discusses many of those conspiracies and is going to set it up on my computer this week so I can see what it is.

We talked about funerals and I told him I didn't want one. He said I should have a memorial service. I said I didn't want to put him, his brother and sister through that. He said they would need it. He respects the fact that I would like to either be cremated or give my body to science. He's interested in the science part himself.

Then he told me it wasn't something we would have to think about for a long time...that I was in better shape than a lot of his friends' parents.

So I'm going to go read some blogs and then prepare spaghetti.

Sorry I haven't been around. I hope I find you all doing well.

Take care of you.

I can't believe it's been nearly two months since I posted. Time is flying by. He Is My Hero has been released. My family is doing well except we lost my wonderful aunt this morning. Please remember my mama in your prayers. My mama was the baby of thirteen children and very close to her sister. Now there are just two of the thirteen left.

A couple of weeks ago I was diagnosed with Lupus. It's usually not such a bad disease unless it attacks an organ. It's attacking my kidneys which my older son finds sadly ironic given I was willing to donate one to a friend. He doesn't believe in organ donation and I respect his view but it isn't mine. My family and my guy are very supportive. I'm not worried. They now believe it caused my strokes and the weight loss.

Hey, there's a positive side...I'm nearly as small as my baby girl who has the figure of a model...but I still have a Dolly-sized chest. And my mama says I've never been one to worry about my own health just my kiddos and she's right and I'm not worried now, either.

I have a kidney ultrasound in the morning. Then it's to east Texas to help my mom deal with her loss.

Wow, I just don't have much to say. I still haven't been around to visit blogs. I'm in the process of moving and things are crazy. I feel like I live in three places...my guy's town, my town and Trevor. I'm still very much active and on the go and happy and I have the greatest support system in my children, my family and my awesome guy.

Between us we have seven kids. The cool thing is we feel blessed to have each other and don't regret the years we didn't know each other because we wouldn't have the kids we do. Isn't that cool?

I have to go be with my mom. I hope all of you are doing well and I am sorry I haven't been online the last month or so but it'll change soon...I promise.

Take care of you.

Unknown Heroes

The following story was first published on USA Deep South. It is in a book being released this weekend called He Is My Hero: Memoirs of a Soldier's Mom.

My younger son is making an author's website for me over the next few days as I have quietly set about waiting and purposely intending to have all three books released during the same time frame. Karen is my partner and collaborator on Conversations and after being the sole person responsible for not allowing From War to Wishes to be released because of my own feelings and battles as a soldier's mom, I can finally say with clarity it is being released as well.

I hope you enjoy the following little story...it was written while my son was still in Baghdad.

Unknown Heroes

Heroes abound all around us these days. All you have to do is look at a police officer, fireman or soldier, and you see a hero. They come in all shapes and sizes and colors. This particular hero of my story is from the South and has fought more battles than most people who read this ever have or will in the future.

When this young man, we'll call him Joshua, was born, a nurse told his mother that he would have to stay in the hospital and possibly have a feeding tube because he would not take a bottle. If he didn't eat he would die. His mother asked for a few minutes alone with Joshua; the nurse agreed and left the room.

The young mother turned to the newborn baby in her arms and said, "Okay, my sweet angel, it's just you and me. Things won't always be easy and I'll always be truthful with you. So let's start now. You need to take this bottle or the doctor will put a very uncomfortable tube in you and you'll have to stay here. The outside is a lot more fun and full of adventure."

The newborn looked up at his mother with the most beautiful, trusting brown eyes, and as she put the bottle to his mouth he began to suck on it like a pro. When the nurse came in, she shook her head and smiled. Wasn't that always the way in the South? Start telling the little ones how it was early enough and problems could be averted.

As Joshua grew older he had a different kind of relationship with his mother. She always talked to him as if he were an intelligent person, not just a little kid getting in the way. She usually worked two jobs and was tired a lot, but that didn't stop her from signing Joshua up for flag football, Little League, basketball and soccer. More often than not, Joshua's mom would sign on for Team Mom and even occasionally, soccer coach.

The years went by and the two added a stepfather, brother and sister to Joshua's world and new adventures as a military brat. Eventually though, when Joshua was fifteen, fate brought new changes as his mother and stepfather divorced, and Joshua, his mother, brother and sister returned to Texas.

Fifteen was a climactic year for Joshua. He helped his mother with the younger children and everyone constantly told her how he was one of the finest teenagers they'd ever known. But he increasingly grew tired and lost weight and a doctor found a lump under his arm. Preparing the family for the worst, the doctor sent them to an oncologist. Everyone agreed: lymphoma. Joshua was prepped for surgery and a treatment plan was set up.

Joshua says he remembers his mother praying, "Lord, I'd rather have a healthy obnoxious teenager than a dead perfect child."

The prayer was not heard just by Joshua, for the most amazing thing happened. Doctors shook their heads. All traces of the cancer disappeared. Was it ever there? No one knew, but Joshua and his mother were sent home with many words of caution should the lymphoma "rear its ugly head again."

One thing Joshua was told during this time was he'd never have to worry about joining the military. He recuperated and started a rebellious period. Every time his mother got on to him about curfew, his "new friends," smoking and girls, he'd smile that perfect smile and remind her of her prayer.

Joshua refused to let 9/11 discourage him. Like so many young people, he felt the need to protect his country. By the time he was 19 he was shipped off to Iraq. His first trip out of his own country would be to a war zone.

For over a year Joshua fought unknown among so many other unknown heroes. Soldiers, marines, all branches stood ready to serve. They didn't see themselves as heroes though. They felt they were just doing their jobs. Joshua could never understand walking through an airport in his camouflage BDUs to thundering applause. He felt the heroes were the ones who never made it home at all or who were injured. Every letter and phone call home were about making sure the family wasn’t in need. Even in a war zone he thought often of his family’s comfort.

Joshua fought battles as a baby, teen and a soldier. He didn't make waves about it, he just quietly set about taking care of the business at hand. No one will ever know who he is unless his dream of becoming a film director comes true. Yet he's one of the greatest heroes around. I know this because I am Joshua's mother.

Big Brother. Is it me or is it just not that good this year? I'm going to visit blogs today. I miss some of you in a big way. But first I have to share a phenomenal event in my life that who knows...maybe you won't even understand but if you know me then maybe you will.

The one thing I do not regret in my life is being a mom. The choices I have made over the years good or bad have been because I had the best interests of those kids at heart. Even as white knights entered my life something would happen that would let me know it wasn't right. Sunshine's proposal to marry me because of my biopsy after we broke up...Dusty being in the shadows of my life for over 25 years...I've been very fortunate in my life to not only have three great kids but some wonderful men have cared about me as well.

Still, along the way I have learned that the only one who will watch out for my family is me. If their own father would turn away when they needed him when one was ill with cancer then why should I expect another man to take that up?

I have made less money than the men I have dated. That hasn't stopped one or two from asking me for a loan. That hasn't stopped them from assuming they should be the center of my attention even as I had one in a war zone or they are on the phone talking to another woman while I am dealing with a child's injury from a park incident.

So my very excited daughter tells me "Daddy is getting a divorce and said if we move there he promises to be nice and see if we can be a family again."

No. Not happening. Forget it, kiddo. Parents don't always get do-overs because do-overs aren't always what is best. I'm in a great place in my life and with a person who literally does not make me wonder what is going on when we aren't together because I know he's thinking about me as much as I am thinking about him.

So my baby boy is having oral surgery Tuesday. He's 19 and I am paying cash and it's not cheap. One of the conditions of my divorce that were never met and yet I didn't hold him in contempt. So I'm working extra hours to make sure it is covered. Last night I am told: "Baby, how much is it? I'll take care of it. You don't need to work like that."

I have had guys try to impress my kids over the years. I have had guys try to manipulate my kids or ignore them entirely. I've had a very special guy not be able to get over the fact that those kids should have been his all along. But I have never once had a child of mine hurting physically and a man offer to make it go away.

So yeah (and Becky, I would have told you first but you're at work), I told him yes last night to a question we've both been dancing around. It took us long enough to find each other and as my mama says...Life is too short not to spend it with someone you love who loves you just as much.

So I am.

Happy Valentine's Day and a Promise

Happy Valentine's. I know I haven't visited blogs lately and because I no longer have a stat counter I honestly don't know who all visits here anymore. But should you stop by I want you to know that at the end of February....two weeks away, I promise to start visiting blogs again. I won't be able to write or visit except for Tues, Wed and Thursday mornings and the occasional Sunday night because I stay off the computer now except for those times.

Lent is going well. Yesterday I had a major urge for coffee...it must be like those who are hooked on smoking but I made it through. I have been drinking this Arizona Green Tea and it's good. A co-worker told me she is jealous cause I have gone down two more sizes since starting work there...I felt complimented cause the beautiful young girl is only 20.

My guy and I are doing better than ever and he has something special planned for me but won't share...isn't that mean?

Speaking of which...I was bemoaning the fact that I had no makeup with me last weekend and he told me I don't need any. Even I have noticed that I must be one of those women who starts aging gracefully because I have no wrinkles and I am about to be 45 and I am PROUD OF MY AGE...WOOHOO!! But so many blessings have occurred in my life since my stroke and even more so in the past few months.

Anyway, I hope all of you have a wonderful day and a wonderful journey along life's highway...I wouldn't trade my own journey for anything.

Take care of you.

Lent and Big Brother

I have not been good at posting and I am even worse at going to other blogs. I'm really not trying to be rude to anyone, life here at home is just getting in the way. I am about to have my 45th birthday in a couple of months and I look and feel better than I have in years.

How about that Super Bowl? I called it early...two weeks early...low scoring game and the Giants would walk away with it. I'm not always a dumb blonde.

Becky and I have gotten really close since she had all that time off from her surgery. In fact, she's having a procedure Tuesday morning. So if you come by here, please say a word of prayer for her. It's a nerve block and I'm not really smart on those but she's truly one of my very best friends so I'll be there for her.

Another prayer is for my best friend Dusty's mom. She's not doing too good. I may end up running down to Houston at a moment's notice.

I've made a couple of promises to myself. I'm meeting Karen this summer and hopefully Skunk. I have one book already published in paperback under a different name and Karen and I are now waiting for the final proofs on one book she graciously did the cover photo for. Now that my older son's battles have been fought and won, I'm okay with the release of the murder mystery. I wasn't before. My editor has shown great patience with me on that but when the story line and the real life story started paralleling, she understood. 2008 is definitely my year both author and romance-wise.

My guy and I talked for a couple of hours last night on the phone. I was simply too exhausted to see him. We've been burning the candle at both ends and actually, yesterday morning, I pulled a "let's be friends" thing. With his money and his looks, I'm really surprised we're seeing each other but I did get off that phone believing he was sincere about his feelings. And gee, he did survive my PMS breakup mood. That's something.

We went to a karaoke bar the other night. This guy can sing. So a lovely woman who was drunk off her you know what said he was cute and asked if we were together. I said we were friends and he was a free agent. He told her he wasn't a free agent. Then his friend hit on me. He told him I wasn't a free agent, either.

What I find the most attractive about him isn't his money or his looks. He oozes self-confidence. He likes himself for who he is and he likes me for who I am. And he lets me and everyone else know he is proud to be seen with me.

I stocked up on yogurt and said my prayers. Lent is upon us once again and coffee and cappucinos do not get to visit my body till Easter. That sucks in more ways than you can imagine. But I look at my kids and I look at my life and I know that whether there's a guy involved or not I've had a pretty rich life. At the worst of times when I felt alone, He was there. The least I can do is give up coffee during Lent.

Big Brother 9 starts Tuesday. How awesome is it that we don't have to wait until the summer. I think the writers' strike had something to do with it. Woohoo for the strike then!

We should go over the rules:

1) No phone calls or dates during Big Brother 9.
2) This blog may be taken over at any time during any part of the day by a Big Brother observation.
3) My guy supercedes rules 1 and 2 at any time. Thank goodness for DVRs!